I’m losing my mind. This past week has been rough, mostly because it’s not living up to my expectations. This week was supposed to be easy.
The past 3 weeks were the tough ones. The weeks where the movers packed up my stuff by surprise, I slept on an air mattress and was left to single-parent Tristan while attempting to sell our house and finish out the month at work. Those were the weeks I survived because I had to, because I had no other option. By the grace of God (and the amazing help of some best friends) I had enough patience to deal with the logistical snafus and clean out my house. I got by, because I knew come August 5 I wouldn’t be on my own.
That was the day I left DC for good, and came to visit my family and take a little vacation before finally arriving in Hawaii. Most importantly, that was the day I would no longer be stuck as a single-parent and would have the help of doting grandparents. My parents have been wonderful and doing what they can. The problem has been Tristan.
I feel like a rotten mother for complaining about my son, whom I love to no end. I just haven’t had a break in 4 weeks now.
I feel for him, I really do. This transition has been far from easy and we are now in completely unfamiliar surroundings. To top it off, I can see 4 spots where his gums are swollen and teeth are ready to cut though. I don’t blame him for clinging to me, I’m his mom after all. Aside from the few toys and books I brought with us, I’m the only familiar thing to him. I would probably cling to my mom and be fussy too.
In fact, I’m really feeling fussy myself today. We took a road trip to Omaha for a mini-family reunion and it wasn’t smooth. It started off with Tristan smearing banana all over the back of my shirt as we were ready to walk out the door this morning – I definitely lost my cool. The 9 hour road-trip that followed was punctured by bouts of intense crying and fussiness in the car and a full-blown meltdown in McDonald’s over an overripe banana. Add to it that I haven’t been feeling well all day either. I’m tired and my patience are running thin.
All I wanted this week was to be able to hang out and enjoy my family. Instead I’m stuck running interference on a one-year-old who is apparently only satisfied when permanently held by me and attached to my boob. Oh, and the time difference has not worked in my favor. I’ve been lucky all week if he’s asleep before 10pm!
I’m exhausted – mentally and physically – from figuring out this move. I just want to be babied by my own mommy now!
Here’s hoping tomorrow will be better.